Despite other terrible things that life has thrown my way, or fate has made me into, I am still quite lucky with my family.
Even after separation and irreconcilable differences, I’m lucky enough to have my mom and dad in the same house once every week. I’m lucky enough to have them in good terms with each other. I know that they’re much more comfortable like this. Hell, I’d take any setup just to see both of them happy.
I’m no clingy daughter. Maybe I was when I was a lot younger but not when I started thinking for myself. I was fine with just knowing they’re there. But I had so many dreams for them. I shaped my dreams with them in mind. But like I said, shit just had to happen.
I dreamed of treating them with my first pay to some restaurant with all of us happy and them being proud of me and me being extremely happy to see them look at me and think that they raised me right, that I was finally doing what I was supposed to. Of course, with our current setup…that didn’t really exactly happen. But it somehow still did.
It was my first ever cut-off last Friday. Since I got hired days just before cut off, it wasn’t a complete pay, so it wasn’t much. But it was my first actual salary (you know how I am with firsts! I mean, look here). Even though it wasn’t much I was determined to buy them stuff.
Carrying a huge paper bag of food, I made my first stop: my mom’s work. If you’re working now, you’d probably know how it feels to see that glowing smile of your mom when she sees you earn money for yourself for the first time. My heart was so big, I felt like exploding. She thanked me, hugging and kissing me and saying she was proud of me. She also insisted I give her a part of my pay but I said not this cutoff because the pay’s just enough for my expenses ‘til the next cutoff like transpo, food and she was pouting the whole time. It was so funny. I left her the food and went to my last stop: home.
Dad was doing the same smile, and it made me want to cry—but, of course, I didn’t. Dad gets me more sentimental because we’re the same: we don’t require so much care from each other, or words, or smiles. We bond differently. We watch movies, anime and talk about stuff. He tells me to take care and bring my umbrella always but we don’t get touchy like hug or what. Little words were enough for us, so when he gets to talking huge, I break down easily. My sister was there, hugging me and being all-smiles: she was the clingy, sweet one. She always clings to Dad like gum. This is why I see the lack of clinginess between me and Dad LOL.
We were eating silently, watching a movie on my laptop when Dad pats my head and says nothing. The feeling was something I don’t think I could be able to fully describe, which made me want to write this one.
Family, in its textbook definition, is something you don’t choose, it’s something you’re born into. I know I am lucky to be born into this one, but that doesn’t mean my family doesn’t have its flaws. It has, every family has. But I choose to look past that and acknowledge the fact that this family is a part of me. How I end up treating it is my own choice. In the end, loving it is still my own volition.
Some friends of mine aren’t as lucky as I am which is why I say that sometimes, no matter how much you try; loving your own family is hard.
But if you’re lucky as I am, or choose to love them as I do, a familial love is a love everlasting. To have people who will accept you despite your shortcomings, despite your own belief of your failure as a person, is something you don’t just find anywhere. To have people who are proud of you regardless of who you become, to have people who can calm your storms with a smile, a word, a hug is something you should treasure.
The reason why I said ‘family in its textbook definition’ is because family doesn’t always have to be the people you are related to by blood. And this one is for my friends whose families don’t understand or accept them.
Sometimes, you can choose who your family is; you can choose who you want your home to be. If your family fails you, remember that friends offer the same thing. Though you may not be related by blood, people who show you your worth and acknowledge your existence, your beliefs, and your dreams, they’re your family. That’s where you belong.
This weekend I hope you show your family that you love them. No scratch that, not only this weekend, tell and show your family that you love them all the time. If you can, always choose to love.