MUSINGS | on my androgyny

To those always labeled as the most likely to be a lesbian, like me.

Of course, I have nothing against lesbians. I just always get labeled as one, even though I’m not…or at least, I think I’m not. LOL. Shoutout to my boyfriend, the LOML! He’s far away at sea right now, working. 9 months before we see each other again. Enjoy Palawan and all the other places you’ll sail to! Explore!

Okay, back to regular programming.

I grew up being a bit of a tomboy. I don’t particularly hate dresses, but if I were made to choose, I would go for jeans and a shirt any day. I grew up wearing jersey shorts and roughhousing with my cousins who are mostly boys. I grew up not caring if people saw me as a boyish girl. I grew up not caring if that meant boys wouldn’t like me for how I rough I acted.

Even in college, everyone was always momentarily shocked when I come to class in a dress. I was the girl who didn’t act as prim and proper and demure as one would expect. I was the girl who loved sports, shouting, rough housing, and everything that required me to neglect grace and poise. I was the girl who excelled in military training, doing the same extensive exercise as boys my age who were a few feet taller than me, with muscles bulging and developing. I was the girl with the muscly arms and legs, who can run faster than you, carry weights twice your body weight. I was the girl who had flaming red hair, with a snapback on, never pulling her punches and walks around brusquely like the world owes her an explanation.

But at the same time, I’m the girl who cries like a baby watching romantic movies. I’m the girl who’s addicted to reading and falling in love and daydreaming. I’m the girl who was afraid make friends, thinking I was not enough. I’m the girl who cries herself to sleep because some boy made me cry. I’m the girl who’s so fragile I cry over spilled milk. I’m the girl who screams at cute boys singing and dancing on the internet. I’m the girl who has just as much gossip as the typical girl. I’m the girl who’s obsessed with fashion and make my own statement through my clothes. I’m also the girl who cares about how she looks because I want to look decent and presentable. I’m the girl who’s worried about which pair of shoes I should pair with a new shirt. I’m the girl who loves her girlfriends as much as I love my books. I’m the girl who’s in love with any type of skyline and the colors it has.

I’m all those. And so much more.

Whenever I mix both my preferences, I always get mixed reactions from people. Like, say putting a bunch of makeup on while I had a side of my head shaved—which was super—people were…conflicted. Well, not really, I think they just had a hard time putting the two together. Wearing a choker with a snapback on. A really red lipstick as I wore jeans and an oversized shirt, those things.

Some people tell me I should dress according to my gender so people won’t be confused but I just shake my head.

So what if I prefer not being gracious all the time? What if I don’t like to sit like a lady? What if I’m more comfortable in my jeans and oversized shirt? What if I like my snapback? What if I’m clingy to my girlfriends?

I’ve long accepted the fact that at one glance, a stranger might mistake me for a lesbian and I’m fine with that. But, people, labeling individuals as you see them at a certain vantage point don’t quite apply to society now.

We are now embracing our individualities and uniqueness, separating ourselves from the labels that hindered us from being our true selves.

I’m androgynous and I love it.

I hope you get to love you, too.

hi! wherever you are in the world, i hope you embrace your own unique self and try to live as authentic as possible. you’re doing so well, honey. you are unique and you are loved for it!

all the stars, semi


4 thoughts on “MUSINGS | on my androgyny”

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